Sorry but any project I'm working on that isn't college related is going to be pushed back indefinitely. I'm just losing the will to do anything anymore.

My album "Asbestos and Glitter Glue" was supposed to be released last month but I haven't even finished the lead single for it. All the music is done but there's also vocals, mixing, art for YouTube videos etc. It's gotten to the point where the lyrics are now in a different context due to the fact I wrote them like 6 months ago. I did finish remaking the second track (a song I originally made like in June) last Sunday but yeah...

I haven't done any proper work on DDLH in months and I don't think I will for a while. It's been so long because I used to be working on other ideas but now, I just don't have the time and when I do, I don't have the willpower. I made this idea a year ago and haven't really developed it since but I still want to make it as I'm stubborn like that, but that's my only motivation right now.

Hell, even something as simple as making a YouTube channel trailer is suddenly difficult to find the will to. I've been making it for like 2 months now and I'm only like 1/4 done.

The only reason why I do work on my college coursework is because it has deadlines and I don't want to look lazy. They've already said great things about me in parents evening and if I fuck up now, it'll bite me in the ass down the line and make things worse. It should be fun: my homework is making a film and writing a scene of 2 screenplays but I feel like I'm only doing it out of necessity rather than enjoyment anymore. Everything has deadlines, everything is for some letter on a piece of paper that dictates my future, nothing is for my own sake. Besides, I wouldn't feel so shitty all the time if it wasn't for my previous actions so I guess this is karma. I decided to take on a load of stuff, code in HTML, pick A levels and a BTEC which have coursework as a big part. It's March now and I've done jack shit hobby wise and now I feel crappy but too crappy to do hobby things so I'm screwed.

All I feel like doing is watching Drippy's videos on yandere simulator myths, looking on various pages of the Yan sim wiki and on r/osana and draw sketches of this rewrite idea which let's be honest: I'll be dead before I even start proper work on it. I'm gonna be late to college one day because I was so tired in the morning and just didn't feel like doing anything so I did everything at half speed.

This page is going to be empty and I don't know when it'll be of note again. Everything is just boring and tiring now and I feel really bad about it but I'm not going to bloody therapy. I know the cure is to just "chill out" but I can't "chill out", I'm just as busy as always, it's just now it's mostly college so I can't just shove it aside to eat ice-cream or whatever. And the worst thing about it is: I don't think this is even the worst it can do. I don't feel properly burnt out yet. I've been making posts here about how I'm gonna be burnt out soon for the past 5 ish months and it still manages to make me feel shittier. I'm just gonna keep going down and down until I fuck up and then my future goes wheeeeeeee because I thought it was a bloody good idea to renovate my website when I was doing 4 things at once.

...I wasn't planning on this being a rant. oops.

In conclusion: I fucked up, this is the consequences. Expect DDLH and Asbestos and Glitter Glue to be coming out in like a year or something. Probably 2 actually, I dread to think what year 13 has in store.