https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j00s65ddbHI

Trying to put in a bit more effort onto YouTube so I made this.

I don't have the mental capacity to draw anything but crappily drawn anime vampire girls saying swear words so if you're wondering why all the stuff in the art portal bit is going to be stuff like this, blame college.

I don't have motivation to do anything else with my life so I'm sorry to anyone who's here because of any of the art that I actually put effort into.

Also expect to see a lot of Yuuna because she's my favourite (and also she's relevent to the lore but that's not gonna kick in any time soon so for now she's just the funny kuudere).

Sorry but any project I'm working on that isn't college related is going to be pushed back indefinitely. I'm just losing the will to do anything anymore.

My album "Asbestos and Glitter Glue" was supposed to be released last month but I haven't even finished the lead single for it. All the music is done but there's also vocals, mixing, art for YouTube videos etc. It's gotten to the point where the lyrics are now in a different context due to the fact I wrote them like 6 months ago. I did finish remaking the second track (a song I originally made like in June) last Sunday but yeah...

I haven't done any proper work on DDLH in months and I don't think I will for a while. It's been so long because I used to be working on other ideas but now, I just don't have the time and when I do, I don't have the willpower. I made this idea a year ago and haven't really developed it since but I still want to make it as I'm stubborn like that, but that's my only motivation right now.

Hell, even something as simple as making a YouTube channel trailer is suddenly difficult to find the will to. I've been making it for like 2 months now and I'm only like 1/4 done.

The only reason why I do work on my college coursework is because it has deadlines and I don't want to look lazy. They've already said great things about me in parents evening and if I fuck up now, it'll bite me in the ass down the line and make things worse. It should be fun: my homework is making a film and writing a scene of 2 screenplays but I feel like I'm only doing it out of necessity rather than enjoyment anymore. Everything has deadlines, everything is for some letter on a piece of paper that dictates my future, nothing is for my own sake. Besides, I wouldn't feel so shitty all the time if it wasn't for my previous actions so I guess this is karma. I decided to take on a load of stuff, code in HTML, pick A levels and a BTEC which have coursework as a big part. It's March now and I've done jack shit hobby wise and now I feel crappy but too crappy to do hobby things so I'm screwed.

All I feel like doing is watching Drippy's videos on yandere simulator myths, looking on various pages of the Yan sim wiki and on r/osana and draw sketches of this rewrite idea which let's be honest: I'll be dead before I even start proper work on it. I'm gonna be late to college one day because I was so tired in the morning and just didn't feel like doing anything so I did everything at half speed.

This page is going to be empty and I don't know when it'll be of note again. Everything is just boring and tiring now and I feel really bad about it but I'm not going to bloody therapy. I know the cure is to just "chill out" but I can't "chill out", I'm just as busy as always, it's just now it's mostly college so I can't just shove it aside to eat ice-cream or whatever. And the worst thing about it is: I don't think this is even the worst it can do. I don't feel properly burnt out yet. I've been making posts here about how I'm gonna be burnt out soon for the past 5 ish months and it still manages to make me feel shittier. I'm just gonna keep going down and down until I fuck up and then my future goes wheeeeeeee because I thought it was a bloody good idea to renovate my website when I was doing 4 things at once.

...I wasn't planning on this being a rant. oops.

In conclusion: I fucked up, this is the consequences. Expect DDLH and Asbestos and Glitter Glue to be coming out in like a year or something. Probably 2 actually, I dread to think what year 13 has in store.

Don't expect to see much here for a while: I'm really busy with college work right now and some mental shit that won't go away so I'm doing said work really slowly.

Haven't properly touched this website in like 2 months and I feel guilty as I get that message for the monthly voting and I've missed so many cool projects now but I don't have the time or motivation to check this site every day like I did for the past 3 ish years. I won't continue on though, don't want to concern people with my ramblings.

I'm still working on my album and I'm still working on DDLH. I want to redraw the sprites I've already drawn, now that I've figured out how that stuff works (kinda) but I just don't have the time or motivation and dear god I don't think I'll have the motivation for a while.

I swear one day I'm gonna go insane and just melt into the floor lol.

I finished my portfolio website after like 2 months!

I never want to touch HTML ever again!

rosieuv.neocities.org

I also wrote a really long commentary about it, if you're curious: https://rosieuv.tumblr.com/post/773677773629816832/media-query

Haven't been on Newgrounds much since new years because I know I'm gonna burn out pretty soon but I refuse to do anything else until I've finished coding my website.

Is this a good idea? Hell no.

Will I continue trying to burn myself out by hyper focusing? Absolutely.

I think it's some mental shit or something as I swear to god I just keep feeling crappier and crappier by the day but I'm terrified of burnout but I'm also terrified of getting nothing done and wasting my life so I don't even fucking know anymore. I just wanna start playing Half Life without that stupid voice nagging me dammit.

Also side note: how the fuck has it taken me like 2 months to code a bloody website with (almost) no JS stuff?

Anyway that's why I didn't do anything for pixel day. I just opened up the website so see what the background art looked like and then closed it.

Autism strikes again!

Y'know...I'm starting to see why my mum thought it was a good idea to not tell me about my diagnosis until some personal shit when I was 14.

I did the same thing last year and I think this is going to be some kind of annual thing in December now. I started this trying to make a 3D model to try it out as I wanted to try 3D animation, and ending with me being about 3/4 away from finishing my first album with vocals. I tried doing a crap ton this year which is why I haven't really done much as turns out that leads to something called "burnout" which I'm running for my life to avoid but I keep slowing down because "oooooo cool collab on the NGAP discord server!".

A list of every collab/jam that I did this year:

• Pixel Day (did last year)
• Sketch Collab (done since 2022)
• Secret Santa (done since 2021)
• Itch Godot Game Jam
• Itch Pixel Game Jam
• Itch Lospec Jam
• Wii Art Collab
• Halloween competition
• The Nemgrounds Brainrot Scam Ad Collab that's still not out
• Battle Of The Bands
• NGAP Megacollab
• Radio Collab
• Art Inspired Music Competition
• Pride Month Collab
• Black And Orange Collab that's not out yet
• Sandwich Collab
• Voice Acting thing for UnculteredMutt from the NGP Discord Server that's not out yet
• Voice Acting thing for BoiledMilkz
• Voice Acting thing for a fanganronpa I found on Discord (not sure if I got a role yet though)
• Voice Acting thing that I'm doing later today
• The NGAP Cinematic Collab that I haven't started yet
• The NGAP Terraria Collab that I haven't started yet but I'm doing the windy one

...Y'know...I'm starting to see why I think I'm on the edge of getting burnt out because on top of that I was doing my GCSEs (very important British exams), the album that I stated earlier and work on the DDLC fangame I mentioned in the 2023 post that I haven't worked on properly for a few months now as I got sidetracked. I was also trying to make stuff earlier this year for Redbubble and I kinda forgot about that.

The most notable thing I did online this year was probably changing my username from "PearlHikara" to "RosieUV" as I made that name when I was 13 and it's a version based of a name of my old YouTube channel I made when I was 12 and it's cringe so I came up with the much cooler "Rosie Ultraviolett" that people at my college call me in real life because that was my name on Snapchat :'). I also changed my icon and logo and basically did a whole changing thing to look cooler.

In terms of improvement stuff: I finally moved onto Godot 4 and figured out how Dialogic 2 works (it's so much better than 1) and I made my first 3D game (that wasn't a Roblox game), I found out what EQ and automation tracks are, figured out the power of line widths, moved onto OpenToonz, uhhhhh other stuff. I want to go pirate FL Studio once I finish my album as LMMS is starting to feel limiting, especially in comparison to Logic Pro, which is what I've been using in my music tech BTEC class.

I also started uploading all my old art onto Cara, moved my website from carrd.co to neocities.org so I could make it from scratch with HTML and not have to rely on boring templates. I'm currently re-making the website from scratch to look all cool and stuff and that's my main focus currently as I want to make a 2025 channel trailer for my YouTube and I mentioned it in the script. I've been trying to take YouTube more seriously, especially now a bunch of people from my college have subscribed and I'm at 86 or something ridiculous like that. I have plans to put dev logs and other not really animation stuff on there. I made a Bluesky earlier this year after I heard about all the Newgrounds people migrating from Twitter to that website.

So yeah that's basically it. I suspect I'll spend 2025 making that DDLC fangame and releasing my album, and then 2026 will be that fanganronpa I came up with earlier this year but still don't have all the details for each chapter sorted out (mainly because I don't write anything down and I really should). I'm trying to do less collab stuff for a while so I have more time to focus on personal projects, but I know that's bullshit and the 2025 recap post is going to be twice as long as this with a sarcastic introduction.

At least I pretty much have reached endgame with my setup. Almost 5 years ago I was drawing on an iPhone 5C with crappy earphones mics and now I have this cool new desk from my bedroom redesign that can fit this 5:4 monitor I got off Ebay for 30 quid (it's some Dell monitor from 2008 that works great as a secondary screen), and these cool Audio-Technica wired headphones I got for Christmas. He doesn't know my socials so he probably won't see this, but thanks dad!

woooooooooooooo number go wheeeeeeeee

it's also cool how on newgrounds you can see everyone who follows you

such is the life of dopamine hits when numbers on a screen go wheeeee

i probably just suck at stuff though, let's be honest. cause like there's artists here that are very good and it only takes them a few pieces to get popularity and there's no algorithm so the fault's on my end :/

still gonna chuck stuff here though. i like newgrounds.

...i should go to sleep

how many votes is that? like 2500 things? i know i've done more votes than that but you only get 10 xp max per day which i think is annoying but i guess it stops the grinders.